dREAmmm...dReam dREam dReaM..dReamm...

I like to dream, sometimes I think… I dream too much… =/
When I close my eyes, or even when I’m awake, I can picture images in my head of you and me…of what you and I was. What we could have been if nothing went wrong. I dream of the life that I wish to lead, the happiness and love I would be filled with.
In my dream my heart is still in one piece, my life is…great! Things go my way and best of all you are holding me in your arms… every night, by your side, feeling safe and warm.
Every night I close my eyes my mind drifts off and I start to dream. Images of us flood my head. I can’t help it; I can’t control how I feel. I wish I could sleep and never wake up. To live in the life I view in my head every night. To sleep with a smile and not wake up to reality. The night ends and the sun shines. I slowly open my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek. Coz I know that the love I felt that night…will not happen today. It probably wont happen…ever…
How I wish that I could turn back the hands of time. To repeat the times that we had together, to stop myself from listening to everyone around me. If only I didn’t send that faithful sms… that message. I couldn’t believe that I sent it… I couldn’t believe that I wrote it. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe the peer pressure around me was too great to defeat, and they got the best of me. If I could turn back the hands of time I would never have sent that message, I could have thought of a better way?
Sigh I don’t know what is happening to me now a days. My head has been filled with thoughts and images. I don’t know how to control it and my emotions have been going crazy!
I thought that I was over you, because it has been 3 weeks…and I know that you don’t want me, and things will never be the same. But there is that little something inside of my soul that wishes and wishes that you will give us another chance and we could be together again. I know that I will never make that same mistake again and this time I will be very careful not to loose u… again. Coz I been hurting for a long time now and I cant take it much longer. I just want to scream, burst out and cry. I wish that you knew how I feel…but then I don’t know how you will take it… it will probably the same way you did with my sms. I scared myself too you know. I couldn’t believe the impact that everyone had on me. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe I’m just really scared. Sigh~
Why does life have to be so unpredictable? Why does it cause so much pain?
I wish that I could sleep and live my dream. My dream seems like such a great place… a place of peace and freedom. I can do anything, I can tell you how I feel…and you would feel the same too.
All of this pain… just because of you. Because of a boy that I fell for one winter’s day. A boy that I put my heart on the line for. Someone that I lost one of my best friends bcoz I chose you over him. I don’t know what I was thinking…
I was in lust. I’m still in lust. I can’t help myself. I can see myself falling into "lust" with you over and over again. Every time I see you I get a feeling. I wish I could get close to you, but I tell myself that you are not mine anymore, and I try to hold myself back. I’m used to the usual hello. With a hug and a kiss. But now it has all changed. When we meet all I get is a simple hello or a wave. >_< I want a hug. That is all I ask for. We are still friends and that is what I want. I know that I can’t have more so a hug won’t hurt. Well, it’s late, and I have school tomorrow. Time for me to do what I do best… dream…. And hurt myself… dreaming….